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December's Wedding Speech Material

(December 2015)

For those of you preparing a wedding speech during December, recent events have provided plenty of rich, topical material to base a few gags on. Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg announced he is to give away 99% of his fortune, which could make for some great jokes about your own inheritance. Then we've got the Cumbrian floods; nothing compared to what comes out of the bride's mother's face at most ceremonies. There's also the new Star Wars film, plus a Kardashian baby named Saint, both of which are great sources for anybody who fancies sprinkling a little topical humour into their speech.

Here are some other topical wedding speech gags:

  1. "I know my views on marriage are a bit old-fashioned, but the things Tyson Fury has been saying lately make me look like Jeremy Corbyn. According to Fury, women are only useful when they're in the kitchen or on their backs. I know for a fact that's absolute rubbish. My Beryl's a terrible cook, and she sleeps on her front."

  1. "There's a petition up at the moment which calls for Donald Trump to be banned from the UK, in light of his extreme and prejudiced views. It's a good job we didn't apply that sentiment to today's guest list. Today just wouldn't feel right without Grandma."

If topical humour isn't your thing, then a wedding this close to Christmas provides a healthy stream of material that everyone can relate to. Take this example from one Father of the Bride speech:

  1. "Your daughter's wedding day is a lot like Christmas Day. You always spend more than you should have, everyone has a little too much to drink, and you hope nobody's going to end up disappointed with what they get to unwrap later."

Of course, that particular metaphor provides ample opportunity for the best man to chime in with:

  1. "…and at some point today, a bird gets stuffed."

There's nothing wrong with the occasional blue joke, as long as you can keep it clean enough that it doesn't upset the grandparents, and vague enough that the kids don't completely understand. This simple non-seasonal line demonstrates this balance nicely: Desperate to Get the Bride's Knickers Off.

There are also plenty of seasonal aspects of December you can cover if your family doesn't celebrate Christmas, or you simply want to avoid any clichéd references to the holiday period. At this time of year, you might be treated to a genuine white wedding in the form of heavy snowfall, and this can easily turn into a hilarious source of material in the right hands.

  1. "Delighted to see that you've all made it here today despite the freezing conditions. For those of you who got more than 6 inches last night, well done for struggling out of bed."

  1. "A bit of advice for the Groom: Always give your wife time to get ready. Before going out for a meal I give my wife plenty of time to get her coat on. She doesn't come with me, but I like to turn off the central heating."

Regardless of the time of year, if you're throwing around a few naughty jokes you are going to need to get the crowd back on side somehow. Here's a brilliant video clip from our gallery where a Groom acknowledges his mother in far classier way, making up for all the filthy gags previously reeled off!

That's all for December. Check in again for our January lines next month - and Merry Christmas!