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Wedding Speech Material For August

(August 2016)

After the maelstrom of mayhem that was July, August's most newsworthy events make the world seem positively utopian… well, aside from what happened in Turkey and all those terror attacks of course. But in more light-hearted news, Jeremy Corbyn continues to cling on to power like Aunty Jean with her last G&T of the night, the Juno spacecraft has finally reached Jupiter, and Bernie Ecclestone's mother-in-law was released by kidnappers after a 10-day ordeal… which I think is a good thing? Anyway, this month there's plenty of great topical material to chew over, and here are a few of our attempts to weave the recent news into wedding-appropriate material:

  1. "I know the bride and bridesmaids usually get all the compliments but I have to say my new son-in-law Chris looks fantastic today. Very dapper indeed. Not that he picked his own suit, mind. He had about as much say in that as the rest of us did over Theresa May… the sum total of sod all."

  1. "Kerry getting married to Steve is a lot like England getting Sam Allardyce as manager - over the next few years she can look forward to nothing but dirty tackles and some very long balls."

There's also plenty of newsworthy and wedding-relevant content to be found in the media and culture stories of the past month. Chris Evans has finally departed from Top Gear, the Olympics are on the horizon, the new Ghostbusters is out at the cinemas, and we've also had an announcement from JK Rowling that there's to be no more Harry Potter. Here's our take on a few of these stories:

  1. "I'm sure Melanie and Pete will make many romantic memories, but all Pete's been banging on about is the forthcoming nuptials. Just this morning he said he's hoping for a night that's dirtier than an Olympic village of Russian weightlifters. Let's hope he doesn't need anything to enhance his performance though."

  1. "Bridesmaids, what can I say… looking stunning as ever, ladies. And listen, I've heard a lot of mixed reviews about the new all-female Ghostbusters, but if you want to see four young women battling the dead, save a few quid and watch these lot fighting off Grandpa Jack on the dance floor."

If directly referencing topical events isn't your thing, then more general observations and humour always makes for a timeless alternative. Here we've alluded to a recent craze and used it to revamp a couple of your more typical wedding observations."

  1. "Naturally everyone's worried on the big day if their partner is going to get cold feet or if they'll be left red faced at the altar. But Alison, there was never any risk of Dave not turning up today…mostly because the vestibule is a Pokéstop and I'm pretty sure there's a level 10 Jigglypuff out back."

  1. "It's traditional to read a few words from absent friends and family. So, here are the messages from people who couldn't make it because of illness, prior engagement, or because they got lost arguing about which junction to turn off at. Yes Charlie and Lee we're talking about you, we all know you took a wrong turn trying to catch Pokémon at Rushford services."

Of course the key to twisting any piece of topical humour into a wedding appropriate speech is by making it applicable to the situation. There's no point reading off a joke about the latest political scandal if it has no relevance to anyone there, so make sure you relate everything back to events or observations which are well-known to your audience. This speech video clip illustrates exactly jokes should be formatted, whether its topical or not, so if you're drafting a speech right now give it a watch and we'll see you in September for a few more topical treats.