Father of the Bride jokes for weddings in Nov-2012
The best thing you can do to keep any speech relevant and fresh is to have a few topical jokes thrown in to the mix. These should all be related to the day and occasion though; this isn't your audition for Have I Got News For You. Whether it's a public holiday, a chunk of tawdry celebrity gossip or a football team getting an absolute leathering; reference it if it fits the bill. Our selection of topical father of the bride speech jokes gets an update more often than a Windows operating system. See, topical right? Kinda.
Displaying 19 topical father of the bride speech jokes
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The Government is bringing in minimum pricing to discourage the over-consumption of cheap, poor-quality and potentially dangerous high-strength alcohol. So it's a good job we managed to stock up on 'sparkling wine' for the wedding before the law comes into effect….
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Yet again the country has faced deluge, with record levels of water bursting river banks and pouring through villages and towns. And only some of it is down to the tears shed by my wife today…..
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So the lads went off abroad - and much to everyone's surprise, they didn't disgrace themselves, fall ill, get arrested or offend the locals. In fact, they performed exceptionally well, and everyone can be proud of them. But that's enough about England's Second Test in Mumbai - Dave's stag-do in Riga was an entirely different affair...
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In preparation for their honeymoon, Dave and Samantha thought they'd swat up on the local language. Unfortunately they've taken tips from Joey Barton. At least they now know how to say " 'allo, 'allo".
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A vicar in County Durham is not only waiving his fee to encourage young people to marry, he's even paying for the dress, suit, photography and flowers. It's such a shame he was booked up and couldn't do Samantha and Dave… but maybe if I send him the receipts for today, he might consider a retrospective payment……
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It's Thanksgiving this week, when our North American cousins traditionally gather in family groups to eat, drink and give thanks for the good things in life. Well it's time for thanksgiving here, too. I'd like to thank everyone today for coming to the wedding, I thank my lovely wife for giving me a beautiful daughter in Julia, and I thank the alterations department at Moss Bros for letting out the waist on this suit…
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The Queen and Prince Phillip made a short tour of Bristol this week in a campervan. It seems even those who are used to elegance and luxury have to rough it every once in a while…. remind me, where is it you two are off to on honeymoon, again?
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So you jet off to exotic locations to experience unforgettable new sensations, only to be sent home and back to work at the earliest possible opportunity. That's what happened to Nadine Dorries anyway - let's hope Kirsty and Jim are allowed to stay to the end of their honeymoon in Mauritius….
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For North Americans this week is Thanksgiving. I'd like to take the opportunity to remind my daughter that I paid for this reception, and I'll be expecting thanksgiving to last longer than just the fourth Thursday in November….
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It's a relatively small wedding today, with just 30 of Julie and Brendan's closest family and friends. That's twice as many as bothered to vote for the local police commissioner last week….
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While the rest of us are left here to face the British Winter, they're off to exotic climbs where they'll be wearing next to nothing and eating unfamiliar food. But Julie and Brendan won't be seeing anything of Ant and Dec in Mauritius - and they won't be screaming 'get me out of here'.
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The Met Office are warning of the first serious cold snap of the season by the end of the month. Temperatures are set to plunge to -15 centigrade, and apparently it's just the beginning of another record-breaking freezing Winter. Not that Jennifer and Dave will notice - if today is anything to go by, they'll be basking in a warm glow of happiness right through till Spring….
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We've had months of meticulous organisation in a carefully co-ordinated campaign to raise contributions and ensure turn-out. We've seen the reckless spending of unprecedented sums of money, and endured nail-biting tension as we approached a knife-edge conclusion. Then it was all over and Sharon and Barry got married. And in other news, Obama won a second term in the White House…..
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This week a school in Oldham closed so that 23 members of staff could go to a friend's wedding, while telling parents the closure was for 'staff training'. If there are any teachers bunking off to be at the wedding today, I hope you get away with it….. after all, it's been top class so far, and Sharon and her Mum deserve full marks for organising it all…..
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In a day or so she'll be off to an exotic location where her employers won't be able to contact her, and she'll be expected to try several new experiences for the first time. But unlike Nadine Dorries, Sharon will have her husband with her - and she's never going to say 'get me out of here'.
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This week saw an elemental force of nature sweep through an otherwise peaceful community, wreaking havoc and leaving a trail of utter devastation. And as well as my daughter's hen night pub crawl in Swansea, there was apparently a storm in the United States….
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[November 5th, weekend before….]
We may be coming up to Bonfire Night, but with Gaby and Mark so clearly in love, there won't be any fireworks on Monday. We'll just have to see about next year… and the year after that…. -
Apparently Britain has emerged from a double-dip recession this week, largely thanks to a massive increase in spending around the Olympics and the Jubilee. The Chancellor didn't mention Cheryl and Dave's wedding, but it has to be more than a coincidence….
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[November 5th, following few days….]
Today's wedding was a bit like Bonfire Night in a way, as Gaby has disposed of all the other guys in her life by committing her future to her husband. Mark will have to behave himself from now on, or there'll be fireworks. And me… well I got burned when I found I had to pay for the reception….