Father of the Bride jokes for weddings in Jan-2013
The best thing you can do to keep any speech relevant and fresh is to have a few topical jokes thrown in to the mix. These should all be related to the day and occasion though; this isn't your audition for Have I Got News For You. Whether it's a public holiday, a chunk of tawdry celebrity gossip or a football team getting an absolute leathering; reference it if it fits the bill. Our selection of topical father of the bride speech jokes gets an update more often than a Windows operating system. See, topical right? Kinda.
Displaying 18 topical father of the bride speech jokes
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The Met office issued flood warnings for huge areas of Britain this week, focusing on the Midlands and parts of Southern Scotland. Funnily enough, they didn't mention today's wedding venue, where my wife, my new son-in-law's mother and assorted aunties have been responsible for several millimetres of tears….
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News this week that high-speed trains will soon be whisking us from London to Manchester in under an hour. Although having seen the way my new son-in-law drives his BMW, I'm not sure that's quite such a breakthrough.
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Buoyed by the love and support of friends and family at home, he flew off to play in a foreign country, and performed spectacularly well almost till the end. But it all fell apart at the last minute, and he came home saddened and deflated. And as well as Peter's stag-do in Prague, Andy Murray lost to Djokovic in Melbourne.
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We were going to serve Tesco burgers at today's reception, but decided against it in the end. You know what it's like at a wedding, there's bridal this and bridle that - we really didn't need any more bridle……
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As Julie and Martin prepare to go off on honeymoon, the media is reporting that the whole of Britain is facing travel chaos. Now I know my daughter's navigational skills are limited, but that's a bit harsh, really…
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Scientists have calculated that the most depressing day of the year is the third Monday in January, when a combination of bad weather, credit card bills, failed resolutions and time till the next holiday all add up to utter misery. So having just lived through Blue Monday, what we needed was a day of joy, glamour, style and love - and that's just what we've shared with Julie and Martin today.
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We've just witnessed a solemn public promise to be faithful, caring, committed and dutiful. But while Barrack Obama only swore in for another four years, these two have got life……
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Oh, I think that's a tweet coming through - it might be from someone important so I'd best check it, bear with me….. illegitimi non carborundum, @pontifex…. no, nothing to worry about.
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I promised my daughter Chloe that I'd make a contribution to the honeymoon budget, and I'd like her to have a night in the very best hotel in the world. Well, according to an announcement from Trip Advisor this week, it's a bed and breakfast in Llandudno. So here you go love, here's thirty-five quid.
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I read in the paper this week that Jordan, aka Katie Price, and her male-stripper fiancé have flown all the way to the Caribbean to look for a suitable wedding venue. It can be difficult - just look at today, for example…..the British Legion, the bowling club and upstairs at The George were all booked, so Chloe and Pete had to settle for this….
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Very sad news this week about HMV being on the verge of collapse. I don't know where I'm going to go for my gramophone records now… Well, His Master's Voice may be gone, but Peter will be listening to His Mistress' Voice from now on - if he knows what's good for him.
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This time of year, most people have resolved to live a healthier lifestyle, and many of you will have cut out booze altogether for a few weeks. So that's great timing for what I'm about to say next - the next round's on me.
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The Oscar nominations are out this week, but that doesn't really concern us today. We've got our own leading lady and male star here, plus some great performances in supporting roles. And there's a special lifetime achievement award for me….. and of course, the bride's mother…..
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Jane and Peter have asked me to thank you all again for the wonderful wedding gifts. They've received exactly what they wanted, and for once Jane won't be spending January in the returns queue at Marks & Spencers.
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The Met office is predicting a big freeze any minute now, with snow and ice forecast for the whole of the UK. That won't be bothering Jane and Peter, though, as they have their love to keep them warm. And anyway, they'll be on honeymoon in Sri Lanka while the rest of us are freezing our ****** off.
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This week scientists calculated there are at least 17 billion earth-like planets which could potentially provide a comfortable habitat for life, in our own galaxy alone. But Jane and Peter have decided to go to Tenerife for their honeymoon, just to be on the safe side.
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It's been billed as an intractable economic stalemate which could have catastrophic implications for the entire country. But enough about the cost of today's wedding - there's a Fiscal Cliff facing the US government…
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It's great to see fine folk coming together for a special event in a magnificent venue, with high spirits, a song or two, and even a few tears. And as well as West Brom playing Fulham this New Year, there's today's wonderful wedding….