Father of the Bride jokes for weddings in Aug-2012
The best thing you can do to keep any speech relevant and fresh is to have a few topical jokes thrown in to the mix. These should all be related to the day and occasion though; this isn't your audition for Have I Got News For You. Whether it's a public holiday, a chunk of tawdry celebrity gossip or a football team getting an absolute leathering; reference it if it fits the bill. Our selection of topical father of the bride speech jokes gets an update more often than a Windows operating system. See, topical right? Kinda.
Displaying 19 topical father of the bride speech jokes
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This week poor old Prince Harry was caught and photographed playing strip billiards in his hotel suite in Las Vegas. All I can say is it's a good thing Gordon had his stag night in Swansea….because what happens in Swansea really does stay in Swansea.
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Next month, the cult 70s TV show Dallas returns to British screens, complete with the now 80 year-old Larry Hagman, who played JR in the original. But if you can't wait that long to see if a decrepit old has-been with incipient Alzheimer's and a dodgy knee can still entertain the masses, I'll be hitting the dance floor later this evening...
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Seeing two young people tie the knot when they're so much in love, so right for each other and so happy really does warm the heart. Which is just as well, as energy bills are going up by 9%…..
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There's one rather inspirational figure in Britain at the moment - a mature gentleman with a slightly embarrassing medical problem who refuses to relinquish his responsibilities and keeps working loyally to support his wife. And besides me, there's the Duke of Edinburgh….
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Last weekend's Olympic closing ceremony gave us the embarrassing spectacle of a bunch of has-beens attempting to relive their golden youth in an ill-advised cocktail of celebration, nostalgia and so-called dancing. Changing the subject, tonight's disco starts at 10pm……
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This week a talented young man struck gold twice in quick succession, cheered on by crowds of well-wishers. And as well as Dave having the good fortune to marry my daughter and become my son-in-law, Mo Farah won a couple of medals…..
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Last week a happy couple won £148 million on Euromillions, and then went off on a surprisingly cheap, down-to-earth holiday to celebrate. Well, Sophie and Chris won the jackpot of life when they met and fell in love…. and the similarities don't end there.
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Romance is certainly in the air this week, with John Cleese marrying for the fourth time, Jennifer Anniston getting engaged to her partner Justin Theroux… and even Roberto Mancini showing some affection for Carlos Tevez during the Charity Shield.
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As this is an Olympic wedding I think gold medals should go to my wife Deirdre, and of course to the groom's mother Catherine - with silvers at least for the bridesmaids, the best man and the ushers. As for me, I deserve a bronze medal for all the brass I've spent….
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So Jennifer Ennis apparently slept with her gold medal next to her after winning the heptathlon. She's worked incredibly hard to make sure she got what she wanted, and she's not going to let it out of her sight even when her eyes are closed. Meanwhile tonight Clare will sleep next to Martin…. and he's solid gold too.
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There's been a lot of bridal action this week - as well as my daughter's marriage, Team GB won the show-jumping...
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For years there's been speculation as to whether there might be life there, or if life was even possible at some point, and now we finally have irrefutable, scientific proof. Yes, the guests from Swansea have made it to the wedding. Oh, and Nasa sent a mission to Mars this week, too…
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(good weather)
Despite all we've had to celebrate during the Jubilimpics summer, the weather's been terrible. But my daughter wanted a fine day for her wedding, and she tends to get what she wants. Rather like her mother…. -
(bad weather)
We thought we might get good weather for the wedding, but it wasn't to be. Still, the son is shining. Sorry, that should be the son-in-law is shining…. I've never seen Martin with a grin as big as the one he's wearing today. -
Today we witnessed Anne and Jason make a solemn commitment to each other, and I'm convinced that they'll honour that promise for the rest of their lives. Which is more than you can say for Cameron's commitment to Clegg on Lord's reform….
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Its cost an extraordinary amount of money and now they're having to set aside even more for the problems they expect to encounter in the future. I'm talking about the Royal Bank of Scotland, of course, not Anne and Jason. Hopefully in their case, all their problems are behind them…..
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Looking around the reception, I have to say you're quite a crowd - I'm glad we could fit you all into the venue. And we didn't even have to bus in a bunch of soldiers to fill the empty seats….
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Last week the world was amazed to see the Queen seemingly parachute from a helicopter with James Bond. For another example of a highly respected and dignified mature lady performing in an unexpectedly hilarious manner, keep an eye on my wife later on this evening….
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This week, Olympic organisers managed to lose the keys to Wembley Stadium. They're always in the last place you look, aren't they? Anyway, today my daughter Chloe gave Andrew the keys to her heart - and he'd better take good care of them or he'll have me to reckon with.