Funny Father Of The Bride Speeches

If you're blessed with the presence of children and old folk on your daughter's big day, some of the sharper material may not go down as well. These finely crafted Father-of-the-Bride speeches are still packed with punchy lines and examples of how to spin a good yarn, but they're the kind of jokes everyone can enjoy. We use a light touch here to pepper an otherwise sentimental speech with the odd barb to lighten things up and move the pace along. A wedding speech without jokes is like a school Shakespeare play; everyone tells you it was great but they secretly wanted it to end when they ran out of gin.

A Comical Father And Newlyweds Who Can Take A Joke

(This speech contains plenty of punchy humour and is a good example of how to structure a speech for a bride and groom up for a laugh.)

Use this speech if you’re known as a bit of a joker and you’re looking to get some laughs. This speech was created for a father of the bride that is on very close and loving terms with the groom, as much of the humour is aimed at him. That’s not to say the bride isn’t also given the comedy treatment.

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To be honest, I’ve been a nervous wreck ever since I found out my daughter was getting married, and this worsened tenfold when I discovered the man she was marrying wasn’t a millionaire.

Recently Introduced Groom And Shopaholic Bride

(A great piece for a father who recently met the groom, and whose daughter is your typical girly girl.)

The jokes in this speech work as fantastic icebreakers for an unfamiliar groom and his family, bringing them into the fold early and offering reassurance that you do actually approve of this strange man who is hanging around your daughter. It’s also good to poke fun at a bride who is known for spending money as quickly as she earns it, or not as her credit card bills seem to indicate!

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So I should like to formally welcome Paul – I think that’s his name – welcome this strange man into our family. You are now Linda’s husband, and that makes you our new son. Despite what you may have seen, that doesn’t mean you can be an ungrateful, disrespectful little sod who's a huge financial drain. Those positions are already filled!

The Father Of An Only Child

(Childhood revelations are a great source of humour, especially when their character is still as feisty as it ever was.)

Use this speech as a guide to get some great laughs without skirting over the important bits. This speech was created for an only child, and offers some anecdotes that both praise and poke fun at their typically headstrong nature. Make sure to thank all the right people though, as when the bride takes you to task you’ll have backup!

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When it came to an education, I wanted my daughter to have all the advantages I never had. So I sent her to a catholic convent girls school.

Lighthearted and Loving

(A light and whimsical speech befitting of a proud father glad to welcome the groom into his family.)

A father’s speech doesn’t have to be full of mucky jokes and jibes; leave that to the best man who is younger, fitter and capable of taking a handbag to the stomach. This is an example of how to play it classy with some lovely thoughts about the bride, combining beautifully with easy-going humour suitable for all palates.

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So, will Linda be the dutiful wife and accommodate her husband's every whim? Well let me put it this way, she’s a girl who believes heartily in free speech, and boy does she exercise that right. She’s a lot like her mother in that respect. So Paul, if the proverbial hits the fan, do what I’ve always done – go home, light some candles, stick some romantic music on, throw her on the bed and give your wife a jolly good listening-to.

Embarrassing Extracts

(An anecdote heavy speech is great; just make sure they’re concise and relevant to the big day.)

Everyone has a few good stories about their children’s embarrassing mishaps. If they pooed themselves in Woolworths or cried when Take That split up, the audience needs to know. Don’t take a trip too far down memory lane however, as your audience will be thinking “Are we there yet” as you rattle on down a never-ending road of stories that only half the room can relate to. Keep the groom’s family entertained with your observations about him, and send everyone home happy.

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I wish you both a happy life together and a relaxing and enjoyable honeymoon, which is more than me and my wife had. I would have loved to have whisked her away to a sumptuous, tropical location full of exotic fruits and delicious cocktails, but she had work commitments. Still, I sent her a postcard, and a can of Lilt.

Dishing The Dirt On The Daughter

(Everyone has a few things they’d like to air about their loved ones, but on a wedding day keep it polite and try not to get slapped in the face.)

When dishing the dirt on your own daughter you need to remember two things. Firstly, don’t go too far as it’s her big day and you don’t want to see her cry. Second, sod that you’re paying for it. Keep the language light-hearted though. A softly softly approach ensures you’ll keep on her good side, and by making the criticisms into tailored advice for your new son-in-law, you’ll seem like a wise owl imparting knowledge, rather than a bitter old coot.

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My advice – don't ever get on the wrong side of her. Although, having raised her for 25 years, I’m still yet to figure out which is the right side. Trust me, Linda has a tongue that could clip a hedge. Anyone who knows my daughter knows how passionate she can be. Sometimes, of course, if things don't go her way she can become a little too spirited, and in that situation Paul my advice is to take a few spirits yourself. I'm not saying she loses her temper, but I’m pretty sure you’ll be the one who finds it.

You Don’t Have To Sugar Coat It

(Reminisce with stories of a teenage tearaway, but keep the laughs going to hold people’s attention.)

It isn’t necessary for the father of the bride to be syrupy sweet and lavish compliments on his daughter, especially if she was a little tearaway. You can drop the sentimentality if it doesn’t fit the bride’s character, so keep the laughs going and add some fatherly advice if the groom looks like he needs it!

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My daughter was a confident young madam. On many occasions after an argument, which I always lost, I found myself wondering what kind of man she’d marry. Well, today I’ve got my answer. My new son-in-law is handsome, clever, kind hearted – and very, very brave. My advice to you, Paul, is this; no matter how Linda treats you, puppy-dog eyes will get you out of anything.

A Punchy, Playful Piece

(This speech is well paced and combines humour and praise in equal doses without getting sickly.)

The best way to keep an audience on side is to temper your praise with a zinger right at the end. This speech shows how to butter up the groom and then slap the cocky so-and-so down with a sassy observation, and just when everyone thought you were so nice! This works better with men though, NEVER insult the bride. Unless you’re a masochist.

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Don’t the bride and groom look happy today? Now I’m sure you’ve noticed the resemblance here between our handsome groom and the dashing father of the bride. Girls always seem to marry men like their fathers. Which is why you always see the bride’s mother bawling her eyes out.

A Witty And Warm Welcome

(A fantastic example of how to structure a speech containing witty family observations, in a way that makes the guests still feel included.)

There’s no harm in using your family history as a source of anecdotes, just make sure the stories cover topics everyone can identify with. This template covers the obvious stereotypes of a lazy daughter, a battle-axe wife, and a son-in-law who likes to ogle a lady or two. Just make sure any juicy tales you tell have been OK’d by the missus, unless you fancy spending the night in A&E retrieving a champagne bottle from your backside.

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Ladies and gentleman, thank you. I'm not particularly keen on making speeches, but I've been married to Carol for twenty-four years now and as I rarely get a word in edgeways, I’ll finally discover if my voice still works over more than one sentence.

A Witty Old Fox

(If you’re known as a bit of a joker then this template will make the most of your talents and tone you down in the right places.)

Everyone loves some sharp marriage banter from the father of the bride, but the best way to make your jokes stand out is against a background of sincere compliments to the happy couple. There’s no shame in sticking to the standard topics; wedding costs, your daughter’s career, and a few digs at the groom’s past are expected. Just make sure if you do take it too far that either your compliments are outstanding, or your engine’s running.

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Linda is our only daughter, so we thought we may as well spoil her rotten and give our princess the big day she deserves, the full works. Let’s be honest, it was worth it all for that smile, the beautiful flowers, the wonderful white wedding limo... the only person smiling more is my bank manager.

The Proud Father Of A Brassy Daughter

(A light-hearted, tasteful speech full of fatherly pride, with a few mild jibes towards a career-oriented bride.)

This speech is perfect for the man whose daughter was a bossy boots as a child, especially if they still wear the trousers today. Mixing jovial anecdotes with the odd barb for a soon-to-be hen-pecked husband, this speech keeps the humour broad and jocular, whilst reminding the groom what he has let himself in for!

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There are two ladies in my life who give me enormous pride, joy and credit card bills… and both are sources of immense happiness to me. First, I met my gorgeous wife Carol, and she blessed us both with our lovely daughter Linda, today’s bride. So as you can see, one happy union inevitably leads to another. Our wedding 25 years ago has led us here to celebrate another glorious union of two wonderful people, and I feel as proud today as I did on my own special day.

A Joker Known For Their Sense Of Humour

(Equal amounts of love and laughter in this nicely-paced speech that ends with some sage advice.)

If you are known as a joker then play up to this in your speech; you can make everyone laugh without pushing it too far. By knowing when to rein it in and share some thoughtful observations, you’ll ensure this mix of praise and mischief will have the audience in the palm of your hand.

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Any man on their wedding day who is about to marry such a beautiful woman is always going to have the same anxious thought before the ceremony: Oh God, I hope she turns up! It’s natural to worry about this, especially after I told Paul that getting cold feet runs in the family. Unfortunately I think he misinterpreted me – I never had any doubts, I’m just a fat lad with poor circulation in my trotters.