Son of the bride

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  1. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a happy day for me, seeing my mother and Paul finally tie the knot. I worried that when I left home Mum would hate to be on her own with nobody to mother. But then she met Paul, and right away they clicked together and that was that. He is the man who can make her happy again, and he is the man she deserves. Paul, thank you so much for bringing our mother so much joy. You have made all our lives complete. So now, ladies and gents, please all join me in toasting the happy couple.

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  2. At this point in the proceedings, it is traditional to bring up an embarrassing moment from the bride’s past or to highlight a strange character trait so that you can have a laugh at her expense; but on the basis that she has got so much more on me than I have on her, in the interest of self preservation, I’m just going to skip that. But I will tell you about the time she put an advert in the telegraph that read ‘Husband wanted’ and she had 97 replies all saying the same thing, ‘You can have mine.’

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