The world's largest collection of

Wedding Speech Material

Our archive is packed with thousands of rip-roaring lines, hilarious anecdotes, tributes, roasts and toasts to help you craft a blockbuster wedding speech today.

groom speech archive

"Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - First, I'd like to inform you that my bride has vetted this speech, so if you consider any of the material inappropriate, it's her fault."

"Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen. This is my first experience in playing such a large role in a wedding. And I really appreciate the bride and groom giving me the opportunity to make a fool of myself in front their friends and family, rather than just my own all the time."

groom speech archive

"Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - I suppose you’ll be expecting a few laughs in this speech. But I know I need to tread carefully. I don’t want to upset my in-laws and hear my wife going around and introducing me to everyone as her 'first husband'."

best man speech archive

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am the best man so in time-honoured tradition I will now do my best to give the groom the most uncomfortable five minutes of his life. For the record, the most uncomfortable five minutes of the bride's life will becoming later on this evening."

best man speech archive

"I think all went well this morning in getting the groom ready for his big day. The condemned man ate a solid, hearty breakfast and arrived at the church sober and on time. My one disappointment would have to be failing to arrange his last request as a single man - due to strong protests from the do-gooders at the Sheep Welfare Council."

best man speech archive

"I can’t imagine a happier way to start married life than in this wonderful venue with all their family and friends around them. Ok, so I can – but it would have to be an exceptionally big Jacuzzi."

Basics

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Wedding Speeches Explained

The roster of wedding speeches typically begins with the father of the bride, followed by a few words from the groom and finally a comedic showstopper courtesy of his best man. However, in recent years a trend has developed where the bride herself also says a few words. Regardless of who is doing the speaking, the purpose of a wedding speech is to thank everyone in attendance, pay tribute to those who made the day happen, offer a brief insight into the lives of the newlyweds, and entertain the audience.

Wedding Speech Tips

Before you write a single line you must first decide on a tone and style which suits you, but also your intended audience.
Generate material by mining memories for anecdotes and sourcing quotes from family and friends.
Surprise the audience with well-timed jokes, wedding speeches that contain humour are more memorable.
An ideal length for a wedding speech is eight to ten minutes.
Throw in some relevant topical references, but only if they'll make sense to everyone outside of your group of friends.
Anecdotes included in wedding speeches should be amusing, but should not be cruel or cause offence.
Include friendly digs and optimistic remarks in equal measure. Don't just mercilessly make fun of the occasion.
Wedding speeches should not be accompanied by a video, they give the impression that the speaker is not confident.
Draw on the day's events for humour, particularly if the dad's a bit stingy or there's that one Aunt who always gets trashed.
Go out with a bang. Riddling the front row with an Uzi is one way to achieve this, but it's more acceptable to use your final line as a summary of the occasion.

Latest Features

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The Weeks Before The Wedding

See how the bride and grooms's neurotic thoughts in the run-up to a wedding can be turned into comedy gold.

"Wedding vows are a lot like New Year's resolutions, you know. Nobody takes them seriously, and you're pretty much guaranteed to spend the next 12 months just getting fatter."

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"I spent £1,000 to rent a limousine for our wedding and found out this morning it doesn't come with a driver... Can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!"

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"I'd like to make it clear that we didn't meet through one of those online dating services. I met my beautiful wife the old fashioned way... Through alcohol!"

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"Gary thanked me for writing this speech before I'd even performed it - you're right Linda, he does suffer from premature congratulations. That's how you pronounce it, right?"

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Video clip of a brother of a bride giving a wedding speech for his sister

BROTHER OF THE BRIDE ROCKS

A best man weaves together a seemingly sincere tribute to the bride and groom. Listeners are expecting the kind sentiments to continue, but suddenly the story swerves.

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Tap into the world's most extensive and up-to-date offering of wedding speech content, featuring: clever ideas, witty one-liners, apt phrases and touching sentiment. Take inspiration from great speeches and use our database of contemporary wedding speech material and fresh topical humour to craft a personalised piece.