Recently added groom speech material

To keep our groom speech content offering current and relevant, we add new material to the site every day. Here's a selection of this month's new lines, now added to our ever-evolving speech content database.

(A sample of the new lines we've added in September)

  1. [Notoriety / Can't take anything seriously]

    Yesterday morning Linda said to me “What do you think you’d be doing tomorrow if you weren’t marrying me?” I paused for a while, struggling to think of an answer that wouldn’t get me in trouble. Eventually, I figured it out. “Nothing probably, everyone I know is at a wedding”.

  2. [Offering thanks / The parents for laying on the reception]

    I’d like to start by thanking Alan for footing the bill for today’s festivities. Having just enjoyed that wonderful spread and knowing what we have to look forward to tonight, I now understand why he had the heating turned off all last winter.

  3. [Opening lines / Laddish icebreaker]

    Here are some words my mum never thought she would hear… On behalf of my wife and I... See, I wasn’t gay, just useless with women.

  4. [Tongue-in-cheek compliments / Honest]

    I’d now like to say a few genuine words about my gorgeous bride. You are all that a man could desire. You’re honest, caring, loyal and genuine, and I know we’re a good match because you balance out the things I lack myself... namely tact, humour, dignity and a conscience.

  5. [Revealing the amusing side of your bride / Light-heartedly mock brides marital hopes]

    Though she’s very much the modern career girl, Linda can also cook, clean and tidy like a pro. Of course, she won’t have to worry about this after today, having now secured herself a full time live-in slave.

  6. [Opening lines / Nervous about the speech]

    Now I thought I’d start my speech with a stock market tip: Janssen-Cilag who make Imodium. Sales have soared lately. I mean who needs Atkins or the GI diet, I’ve shifted half a stone in a week.

  7. [The in-laws / Your luck in joining their family]

    Today I have not only gained the best wife that any man could hope for, but I have also acquired the very best in-laws in Carol and Alan. They have welcomed me into their family from Day 31, which was when my restraining order was lifted.

  8. [Closing lines and toasts / Hand over to best man]

    I’m about to hand over to one of the cleverest, wittiest, most charming, most handsome men I know. And that’s not just my opinion. It’s his too.

  9. [Self-deprecating humour / Difficulty preparing the speech]

    As some of you will know I’m terrible at making speeches, so this is pretty much a nightmare situation for me! But I’ll say the same thing to you as I will to Linda later on this evening – if you lower your expectations and brace yourself we can get this over with as quickly and painlessly as possible.

  10. [Offering thanks / The guests for attending]

    Before I begin I would like to say thank you all for joining us on this very special day. I know a lot of you have travelled a long way to be here and I just want to say, and I really mean this, that this does not mean you can skimp on the presents. If you’ve bought us something crap because you’ve driven a few hundred miles, there’s an Argos down the road, I suggest you use the interval wisely.