Groom speech jokes - 101 winners
Displaying 21 to 30 of 101 classic groom speech jokes
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When I asked Linda’s father if I could marry his daughter he immediately wanted to know if I would be able to support a family. The answer was no! I was only planning to support his daughter. The rest of them would have to look after themselves.
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I'd like to thank Alan and Carol for all their kindness over the last five years and for keeping a relatively straight face when they heard I had proposed to their daughter. I've always chosen to assume those were tears of joy, Carol.
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Linda and I are now on a journey together, and it will be a journey during which they will certainly learn a great deal more about each other – such as the sort of person that Linda would have really preferred to marry!
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Life for Linda and me could be a bit quiet from now on … my parents gave me strict instructions as a young lad never to go out with married women.
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I’d like to thank the Reverend Grey for the great job he did today at the church. I learned something new during the vows that I hadn’t realised before: that it’s okay to have sixteen wives. Four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer. I won't tell you which of the categories Linda fits into...
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The bridesmaids have retained their radiance and dignity all day, apart from that brief episode when the bouquet was thrown. It was like watching a girl group scrabble over a solo recording contract with Simon Cowell.
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I feel like a king in this suit.....what do you think? The similarity doesn't end there, I also spent most of this morning sat on a throne!
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Good evening. Despite my inability to speak or read well in public, my wife insisted I say a few words. And I thought marrying me meant Linda was starting to make good decisions in her life.
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Linda, I just want to say, in front of our families and dearest friends, that I love you and hope that every day will be as happy as today – just not as expensive.
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Linda, you look so gorgeous today, I’m not ashamed to say that I can’t wait to get you back to the hotel and get you out of that dress…. it’s got to be back at the hire shop before midnight.
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Linda, my only request as we start our marriage is that you should be sparing with your nagging – after all, you do have a lifetime to spread it out over!
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Yesterday morning I had a little chat with Linda about marriage and how life is going to change. I spoke about the hours in front of the kitchen sink, the washing of socks, the cooking, the unpaid secretarial work... and Linda said she’d be willing to help me out for the first couple of months.
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Before we got engaged, I asked Linda, ‘If we get married, do you think you’ll be able to live on my income? Linda replied, ‘Of course, dear. But what will you live on?’
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It’s been a wonderful day for us. The highlight for me, of course, was Linda floating magically down the aisle. I’m sure you were all thinking exactly the same thing: “How did HE get HER?”
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Since I’ve been with Linda I’ve made a point of forgetting my mistakes. There’s no point in two people remembering the same things.
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When we first started dating, I rather indulged Linda’s demands, and so now she gets upset if she doesn’t get her own way. I tell you, you give a woman an inch, and she’ll be disappointed.
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I would like to say that I have a lot of admiration for Linda, putting up with a boyfriend like me. She’s a beautiful woman and a gorgeous bride. I realize just how lucky I am. But I still don’t know how I got her to say yes, because all she seems to say now is ‘No! Paul, no!’
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Though she’s very much the modern career girl, Linda can also cook, clean and tidy like a pro. Of course, she won’t have to worry about this after today, having now secured herself a full time live-in slave.
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A lot of people hold the belief that girls marry men who remind them of their fathers, which explains why Linda’s mother was bawling her eyes out during the ceremony.
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I’m actually quite nervous now, but I do feel slightly better knowing I’m not the only one in the room who is apprehensive and terrified at the thought of what lies ahead. But enough about Linda... on with the speech!