Father of the Bride jokes for weddings in Mar-2012
The best thing you can do to keep any speech relevant and fresh is to have a few topical jokes thrown in to the mix. These should all be related to the day and occasion though; this isn't your audition for Have I Got News For You. Whether it's a public holiday, a chunk of tawdry celebrity gossip or a football team getting an absolute leathering; reference it if it fits the bill. Our selection of topical father of the bride speech jokes gets an update more often than a Windows operating system. See, topical right? Kinda.
Displaying 16 topical father of the bride speech jokes
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So David Cameron has admitted to hosting lavish dinners for people who made significant donations to the Tory party. Imagine that - treating your friends to food and drink to thank them for generous gifts - it's unthinkable. Hang on a minute though……
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Britain was basking in fabulous Spring weather earlier this week, so I suppose it was asking too much to expect it to continue through the weekend. But when you look at how happy Elaine and Jeremy are today, it's like the sun has come out again….
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Sir Alex Ferguson said this week that with the right fitness regime, Rio Ferdinand can keep playing for years and years to come. It seems that even when you're getting on a bit, you can still put in a top-class performance. If you don't believe me, just keep an eye out for me on the dance floor later……
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As we celebrate with Laura and Pete, spare a thought for a couple on the Isle of Wight last weekend. A fire at their wedding venue saw 60 firemen working for 11 hours to put out the flaming presents. That's an awful lot of toasters…
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Details were published on Monday of the ten-week route the Olympic flame will take as it wends its way around the UK. Ten weeks is nothing, if you ask me. Our Laura's been carrying a torch for Pete for years….
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Osborne revealed his budget this week, which got us all talking about taxes. Fortunately Laura and Pete can relax - the Chancellor didn't put a tax on kissing….
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It's a dazzling occasion, combining tradition, elegance, celebration and excitement - and as we all know, it can end up costing more than you'd planned. But today, instead of the racing at Cheltenham, we've all come to the wedding instead…
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We've had a bit of drama with the bride's late arrival today. It was like Arsenal vs. Newcastle at the weekend - it must have been at least five minutes into injury time before we got a result…
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It really gladdens my heart to see my daughter's face literally light up with adoration as she gazes incessantly at the one she loves. But happily she put her new iPad down for long enough to get married today…
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Good to see Gareth, his best man and their pals got back safely and on time from the stag event. I'm not sure where they got to, but I was worried they might have been affected by the sun spots and solar flares…
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Leading Jane up the aisle to give her away today, I'm not sure which one of us was most eager to get things underway. If it looked a bit like Prince Harry and Usain Bolt, that may have been my fault….
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So Englebert Humperdinck is representing Britain in the Eurovision song contest. It just goes to prove that an old has-been who hasn't done much to shout about in forty years can still turn it on when he has to. For further evidence, watch me on the dance floor later…..
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(at end of speech)…. so, with the news that Englebert Humperdinck has been chosen to represent Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest still in our minds, it only remains for me to say Please Release Me, Let Me Go….I thank you.
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Claire had hoped for a carriage to bring her to the ceremony today, but we couldn't find the horses to pull it. I did contact the Met, but apparently all theirs were busy at a press conference…
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Spring is the start of the wedding season, of course, and when you're my age, you see a pattern emerging. Every year flowers come into bloom, baby lambs gambol in the fields… and Andy Murray gets hammered by Roger Federer in strait sets...
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A bit of advice from your new father-in-law, David - no matter how much you love the most important person in your life, you'll have your work cut out to keep them happy, and if you don't, the consequences could be disastrous. Just look at Andre Villa-Boas and Roman Abramovich….