Father of the Bride jokes for weddings in Feb-2013
The best thing you can do to keep any speech relevant and fresh is to have a few topical jokes thrown in to the mix. These should all be related to the day and occasion though; this isn't your audition for Have I Got News For You. Whether it's a public holiday, a chunk of tawdry celebrity gossip or a football team getting an absolute leathering; reference it if it fits the bill. Our selection of topical father of the bride speech jokes gets an update more often than a Windows operating system. See, topical right? Kinda.
Displaying 15 topical father of the bride speech jokes
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In preparing my speech today I've taken a cue from this week's Oscars ceremony. I'd like to thank the producer - that's Cheryl's mum, Margaret. I'd also like to thank the director, that's Margaret again. The casting director - Margaret, the executive producer - Margaret, the choreographer, wardrobe mistress and chief makeup artist - Margaret, Margaret and Margaret….
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There's bad news for George Osborne and Britain this week, as our financial standing has taken a knock. Fortunately for Cheryl, Peter and all of our guests today - I've still got a Triple A rating at the bar. So please raise your glasses……
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Like many people setting up home these days, Cheryl and Peter are relying on a certain Swedish retailer for everything from tea-towels to sofas. Fortunately, today's meal didn't come from Ikea's foodhall. There were no horse balls on the menu today….
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Today's wedding may be the culmination of a fairytale romance, but I'm afraid it's down hill from here. That's because Christine and Paul are going skiing for their honeymoon…..
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I know you're supposed to tell topical stories during a speech like this, but the news hasn't been very cheerful this week. I do have some advice for Christine though - and that's if Paul buys himself an air rifle, be careful when you go to the toilet in the night…..
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You can always rely on an ancient patriarch to say the wrong thing, put his foot in it and generally offend everyone with his ill-considered comments. But enough about Prince Phillip - I'm talking now, so there's nothing to worry about it…..
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They say when you make a speech, you should throw in some topical references. So the Pope has some time on his hands, and goes to visit Richard III. His ex-Holiness suggests they go for a burger, but Richard says 'neigh'…
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I'd like to reassure everyone that the meat you enjoyed as part of the sumptuous wedding breakfast was 100% venison. But I'm afraid I have bad news for our vegetarian guests. There is a possibility that the radish might have been horseradish….
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We were considering serving lasagne at the reception this afternoon, but decided against it. That kind of dish often contains high levels of salt and Shergar….
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(Pope resigns, one for Catholics)
As Jennifer and Michael married in a Catholic church, we thought the Pope's resignation might affect proceedings. But we needn't have worried - Father Dominic assured us that if they do offer him the top job, he'll be working his full notice here… -
(Pope resigns, one for non Catholics)
I'm just relieved that Jennifer and Michael didn't get married in a catholic church. That lot clearly can't be relied on to finish a job properly... -
Personally as a heterosexual man I don't see the problem with "same sex marriages", I've been married for several years and the sex has always been the same.
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It looks like marriage between people of the same sex will become a reality soon, but Jane and Paul are definitely man and woman. On the other hand, they're both convinced they wear the trousers….
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Today Jane and Paul promised to devote the rest of their lives to each other, and to do anything and everything within their power to make each other happy, successful and comfortable. Whether or not that includes taking each other's speeding points remains to be seen…
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He was found in a car park in Leicester, abandoned and alone, forgotten by his friends and supporters. But enough about the aftermath of my son-in-law's stag night - what about Richard III, eh?