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Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen. I've tried to memorise this speech, but forgive me if I resort to my notes every five seconds. I did ask for an autocue to be set up in front of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesn't stretch that far. And, unfortunately, neither does my eyesight.
You have all come from various parts of the country to be with us here in Cornwall on Linda and Paulís wedding day. Apart from a few local school friends everybody else has travelled at least 100 miles to attend this occasion. It shows how much you love and respect Linda and Paul. Either that or you just came for the free meal. But even that comes at a cost, because now you have to listen to me.